Participant #1:
So welcome to episode eleven of season three. If you just joined, this is Maria at Maria’s Arcane on Instagram. And I’m joined always by Robin Loving Hired, which on Instagram. And we have a special guest, a very special guest. We have Frankie of a Chaotic, which aunt on all social media, right? Everything. Almost everything except for Twitter. But Twitter is like my shit post. Please. We don’t talk about Twitter.
Participant #1:
You can find me category everywhere. I have YouTube, I have TikTok, I have Instagram. I wrote a book recently. It’s called Spells for Change. And that is being sold most places, I think. I don’t know the details of where this all is. That’s good. That’s wrong. It’s wrong to not know where our book is being sold. I have no clue. There’s no way to know. Do you independently make these deals with publishing houses, like, for different countries? And I’m like, no, my publishing does that. I don’t know anything. I know nothing. I’m getting less than 20%. I have no clue what goes on. No cost. But, yeah, that’s where I am.
Participant #1:
So, as the beautiful Maria already said, we are joined today by Frankie of Chaotic, Which. Frankie, do you want to introduce yourself a little bit? Yeah, my name is Frankie. I also go by Chaotic Witch on most platforms. I’m a content creator. I’m an author. I’m an Italian folk practitioner. I’m definitely scared of a moth that’s at my door right now. I run a podcast called Books in Room Six with my co host Matt. And we just launched our Patreon, which I am mentioning because we only have five patrons right now. It’s very exciting. Very exciting. We got five people and we’re all talking about plants. I think we started at three or four patrons. And we love them a lot. I love them very much. What else? I am a big fan of plants, herbs. I have now about one, 2320 ish house plants. Maybe a little less. Jesus Christ. Maybe a little less. I’m not quite sure. I got three to them in the mail. That is what I aim to be. I’m surprised that they’re not dead yet. I did kill, like, many on my journey here. That’s good. Apart from that, I love animals. I fuck around a lot with my dogs. Not fuck around in, like, a weird way, but fuck around. I like dogs.
Participant #1:
You know that you’re a TikTok content creator with when you say, I fuck around my dog, and then you have to be like but not in a weird way. No. I’ve actually had people comment on my posts. At least he doesn’t know any of this. Maria doesn’t know any of this. So Maria and this will be a little intro as well for me and what I experienced on TikTok. You know that audio that goes, if I had a nickel for every time this happened, I have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice, right? It’s that audio with the amount of times that someone insinuated that I was fucking an animal based off of a Tik tok. That had nothing to do with that. Isn’t that what I actually think? It happened three times. Someone insinuated that I was looking at my partner’s dog weird and was like, what did you do to the dog? And I’m like, nothing. Why do you think I did something to the dog? And then someone else was like, haha, this is funny because it sounds like this, and mentioned something about Bestiality. And I was like, that is not funny. You need to leave them. Such a wild place. Like that happens on like at least in my experience. I honestly don’t understand it’s the wild, wild west. Every once in a while you get really weird comments and you kind of sit there for a second and you’re like, I don’t understand why you had to tell me that. Not everything needs to be to make you feel I needed to know that. Why did you look in a 15 2nd video and say, this person looks like they’re fucking their dog? Why didn’t you think that awful? And really that’s what it comes down to. Yeah, there’s a much deeper core issue happening there. I looked at my dog, I not even weirdly looked at a dog and you were like, how do you look at a dog? How did you weirdly look at a dog? Not to be funny, but like, do you not love your dog? Would you not look at your dog affectionately? Yeah. Or like in a knowing way because you guys shared something. That’s how I am with my animals. I look at Daisy and I’m like, I know, you know, and we know that’s together. Like tik tok scrolling while high. Maybe I’ve never smoked the devil’s lettuce. You’re a Christian woman. And so I personally have never partook, if you will. No, there is literally none, like, within 3ft of me. None.
Participant #1:
What will baby Jesus do? And babies don’t smoke weed. So I moved to Colorado and I don’t smoke weed, which feels like kind of a failure on my part, but here we are. I think that’s most of my intro I’m on TikTok. It drives me nuts. I like plants, I love book. Wrote a book about tell us a little bit about your back. It is one of my spells for change. I wrote it as kind of a beginner’s guide, a foundational guide to witchcraft. So we have a few things in mind. And that was one, someone who didn’t know anything about witchcraft could pick it up and have started practice after reading it. And two, people would have an idea of where to start if they were a beginner. Which it’s not meant to be super thorough. It’s not meant to be super in depth. It’s meant to give you little snippets of different parts of this kind of foundational practice. So it builds with cleansing, protection, vanishing, binding, all these kinds of things, like talking about meditation, grounding, divination tools, what witchcraft is. And so it gives you a nice little, like, I would call it like a tricutory board of witchcraft.
Participant #1:
The biggest differences I’ve gotten on it is I wish there was more information in it. And I’m like, see, here’s the thing. That wasn’t the point. We’re getting little bits and pieces, and I’m not adding any tradition, I’m not adding any religion. And I made it very much not super influenced by me or certain traditions beliefs, or certain religions beliefs. And because of that, anyone can read it and then be like, I am a Christian and I’m going to do this. And I’m like, okay, cool. And then someone can be like, I’m a wicked and I want to try this out. I’m like, okay, cool. It doesn’t matter which area it comes from. It’ll make sense, and you can change it to work with your practice. I like that. But I think that’s important, especially in the beginning book, because I think a lot of witches feel like they have to be a certain way or subscribe to some sort of belief system when they really don’t. Especially I’ve picked up like a few brick inner books and they’re like, this is how we do it. And it’s like very in depth about how you do it. You have to do it this way. Exactly. This is witchcraft. And so I said, you can really do it whatever fucking way you want, whatever. Make it your own, right? Yeah. When the UK version came out, which was in September october. October, okay, I read your book when it came out then. So obviously the US version came out in April, and I think it’s a really nice, soft, intro book. Nice little snippets of this, this, and this. And I think it’s nice. I think you did a good job. I definitely didn’t mean for it to be super in depth. I know a lot of people were like, I wish there was more. And I’m like, I know that you think that because I made a YouTube video on this, I can write an entire book on it. I can’t. I cannot. I added resources at the end for further reading. So if someone finds something they’re interested in, they can find a book at the back of the cells for change that helps them learn more about that topic. I love a good resource page, which I love, that I love when I read a book and I find something I’m interested in, and then someone gives me another book to read, and I wanted to be able to give that to other people. My favorite part of my book, it has intext citations. Love that my favorite part. They tried to get rid of them, and I said, no, actually, no, these are Important. You Have To Keep Them In. They’re Like, It Kind Of Looks Clunky, and I’m Like, I Don’t Give A Shit. Keep Them In. And They Left Them In, which Is A Win For Me, but That’s About Everything About Me. I Have A Couple Of Plans that I Can Show You Guys if You Put The Video On Patreon.
Participant #1:
No. At This Point, If They Wanted To See Our Plans, they Would Tell US, and I Think They’re All Over It At This Point. They’re Like, We Get It.
Participant #1:
If You Just Joined US This Week, every Single Week, we Talk About Upcoming Lunar Phases, and On The Day At Which This Episode Is At, the Nearest Lunar Phase is The New Man In Cancer on June 29. I Believe Technically The Astrological Is The 28th, but It’s The 29th. Anyway, New Moons In Cancers are Really Good for Releasing Energy that You’re Basically Holding On To that Is No Longer Serving You. And I Know That That’s, Like, Such A Generic Thing To Say when It Comes To New Moons, but Specifically, New Moons or Any Moon In Cancer is One That Is Aligned Really Heavily with, Like, Held Onto Emotions And Grudges and Just Kind Of Baggage that We’re Not Quite Ready To Let Go Of because Our Emotions Are Nurturing Them, As It Were, in Cancer Moons. And So When We’ve Got A New Moon In Cancer, it’s A Really Good Time To Evaluate The Things that You Don’t Want in Your Emotional Home Anymore, as It Were. If We Vessel Our Home And Our Hearts, what’s Something We Don’t Want To Have At The Table Anymore, and The New Moon In Cancer Is Really, Really Good specifically To Deal With That. So Evaluate Shit That Maybe It’s Time To Release and Let Go Of Simultaneously. This Is A Good Time To Do Magic that Involves Home Protections and Kind Of Refreshing Those Sort Of Wards, Et Cetera, because Cancers Deal So Heavily with Our Home, our Emotions, and The Things That Make US Feel Safe And Comfortable. So Either Release Shit that You Do Not Want To Have Anymore or Put Up Some Fresh Wards do You Guys Have Anything That You’re Going To Do? I Completely Agree That It’s Very, Like, A Home And Hearth Type Of Sign, and I Really Think Self Care And Stuff Like That is So Important during Cancer New Moves and Also Making Your Space Super Homey. Like, Go Ahead And Clean Up Your House. Make It Super Cozy, because If You’re, Like, In The Northern Hemisphere, like, It’s Starting To Get Freaking Hot, so You Might Be More Wanting To Stay Inside something A Little Cozy if You’re Not Able To Go On Vacation, a Little Bit Less Hot, Miserable, And Enjoyable, stay Around Simultaneously, because
Participant #1:
Someone Who Works For The Lunar Got It. I Really Don’t Know Much About Moon. Well, What I Was Going To Say is That Speaking To You made Me Think about Diana and because it is the new man in Cancer. If you are somebody who lives next to an ocean, this would be a really good time to evaluate doing some sort of ocean based magic. The ocean is connected very heavily with the moon cancers. Their planet is the moon, although I know that the moon is they’re literally in a crowd. You can be in the ocean and make it. Nobody can stop you. Really like making a spell. Really? You could yeah, that’s pretty good. I don’t recommend pooping in the ocean because if it does come back at you.
Participant #1:
So if you just start listening to us. Every podcast, we talk about a random tarot card. We go over the universal meanings and then our own interpretations of the cards. Hearing other people’s opinions, Ellsburg dinners form their own opinions, or even those who have been practicing for a while, expand their views on other meanings. So this week we are talking about the Ace of Cups reversed. Looking at the upright imagery on this card, you see a large cup and a hand offering. It taking up most of the card, but the water is pouring from this cup in great abundance. It kind of gives the impression of a fountain. And the water is pouring into a body of water that is covered in lily pads. And diving into our cup is a white dove carrying a white coin with a symbol of equal arms on it. And I’ve also heard that it also looks like a wafer, like given as religious stuff. It exactly
Participant #1:
the universal keywords. This card reversed are blocked. Creativity being drained, repressed emotions and gloominess. When this card pops up in readings for myself and clients, it shows a few things. One, someone is wanting to start over emotionally or creatively, but they haven’t given themselves a break to heal, or they still haven’t officially ended. What has brought them into needing a fresh start in the first place? And then secondly, someone is doing a lot for others emotionally and not taking care of themselves, like pouring out of an empty cup. For either of these scenarios, taking an emotional or creative step back is very important. And when it comes to emotions, emotions in particular, this could mean like taking a long back to give yourself a break or doing something even bigger, like ending a relationship that is literally making you miserable. Or creatively. It could show creative burnout. When you push yourself too creatively, too often, too much, it can leave you feeling uninspired. So this could mean experiencing the world outside of your creative endeavors for a bit, or even trying something new creatively, like just going out of your usual medium. Inspiration will come back to you, but you’ve got to give it time. The worst case scenario I’ve ever seen with a car reverse is when someone hits a super low when it comes to drinking too much and not seeking help that they need and is literally ruining their chances, new chances of happiness. Okay, so how do you view this card, robin Dear well, for me, this card is a lot like the Nine of Cups. We’ve talked about this before where I feel like the Nine of Cups sometimes comes up as a grass, is always greener on the other side, where it’s like a careful what you wish for. The 8th of Cups reverse is very much so. Like that where we have this when it’s upright, right? We’ve got all this potential, this given opportunity, this momentum. All we’ve got to do is continue with it and good things can happen, right? When it is in reverse. To me, it’s very much so. Using momentum based off of others as opposed to our own personal potential, we are going with the potential that others are telling us that we want, that others are kind of feeding to us as opposed to our own wants, desires, et cetera. And so the cup was never really full to begin with because it wasn’t filled with our own passions and desires. And so when we have it flipped over, it’s well, of course the well is dry. We never had passion in this to begin with. And it’s a huge reevaluation card in my personal opinion. And a reminder that we have to chase our own dreams, not the things that people tell us that we need to go for, if that makes sense. Or my ramp that makes total sense. I have interpreted that way a few times. So I agree with you. You know, you got somebody constantly telling you what you have. Go ahead. I was making kissy faces at my dog and trying to get her to come over here. She is not. However, I always see the Ace of custom reversed as a level of insecurity or a level of kind of self love that isn’t present in someone’s life. This is the card that when I see it, I tell the person that they need to do an emotional check. Like are you taking care of yourself? Are you prioritizing your feelings? Are you making sure that you have space to kind of heal or to feel whatever you need to feel? Because the Ace of Cups represents emotions and an abundance of that, to me at least, I’ve always seen the reversal of it to be a stagnancy of emotions or someone kind of blocking off feeling their emotions. This card to me almost reminds me a lot of the time of the Empress, which I think is an interesting correspondence. But with the Empress, there’s a lot of selfcare, there’s a lot of nurturing, there’s a lot of taking care of yourself. And with the Empress card and the Ace of Cups, I find them to be very similar and have similar messages in my ratings, along with the seven of one, which is like standing up for yourself, taking care of yourself, which those are, like my three. Like, a lot of people come to me with readings. I see the Ace of Cups, and I’m like, bitch, are you all right? We got issues. Even worse, someone came to me and had four reversals. It was the sun reversed, the six of cups reversed, the moon reversed, and then one other. And I was like, sweet Jesus, are you okay? I’m sorry, but this is bad. It was like three of stores was in there, too. It was trading horrific. I can pull it up. Hold on. I can pull it up because I remember looking at it and being like,
Participant #1:
okay, here we go. I can zoom all the way to the bottom. What was that? I hope they’re doing okay. I mean, it was someone got, like, a gift for their friend. It was like, whatever they need to hear right now. And I’m like, okay, here we go. Yikes. All right. Yeah. So eight of pentacles reversed, six of cups reversed. The moon reversed, the sun reversed, and then the ten of cups reversed. Yikes. A poor baby. And I was like, sweet Jesus, your relationships are not doing well. Yeah. Given a Tarot reading as a gift, and that’s what you get. And you’re just like, you know what? Maybe Tarot is not for me. I felt so bad because I’m like, oh, this person needed to call out yikes. Sorry, bro. It’s not me,
Participant #1:
let me tell you.
Participant #1:
All right,
Participant #1:
so as this is a guest episode, maria and I decided after our amazing episode with Penny that we were going to maintain the drinking game thing, at least for a while. It’s so much fun. Listen, if you want to hear about different Sabbaths, check out our old episodes. We are here for drinking games now, okay? That’s what we do. Now for isn’t, like, one of the things to do on solstices and get drunk. Consider that, guys, last time we played Never Have I Ever, and that was very fun. So fun. I found two lists. I found a list of it’s like a spark notes, bird like list of the way that the Maliskaria, which I’m probably pronouncing, too,
Participant #1:
is from the 1400, I believe, 1486, to be specific, and way spot a witch. It’s a witch hunter’s guide. I also found a list of things that would qualify you as a witch in 1692. And we are going to I’m going to read them. We’re going to drink to these things and find out whether or not we would have been murdered for being witches. Now, I would like to preface, before we start this as a gentle reminder that the people who lost their lives during the witch hunts of both Europe and America weren’t witches. None of them were. We don’t know what none of them were. And if any of them were, it was such a small percentage that is not worth noting in the grander scheme. So we would just like to preface that and starting because realistically, as we will go through this list, you have been burned for literally anything. I figured we’d start with the 15th century, and then we’d work our way to the 7th. You did all this research
Participant #1:
and find out if Maria wouldn’t survive. I don’t think she would have. Personally, I’m not going to survive. I think I have a small chance. I know I don’t, because in 1940, I would have been bottomized going back in time. Beyond that, there was a lot. Listen, I’m just saying, if I was on trial and Robin was in the audience, I’d be like, that bitch did stuff with me. And
Participant #1:
everyone in the audience would be like, that track. That fully fucking track. And then that being said, like I said, I don’t know if I said this. I will be keeping a tally, and at the end, we will find out which one of us definitely was burned, while the other two obviously will be remaining innocent, just absolutely untouched by the hands of the town folk. So we’re going to start at the 15th century. Now, each of these lists have a little blurb that go with it. I’m going to skim over it just so you can get an idea of a little bit more context for what they’re saying. Okay, so starting with the 15th century, the first one is, is she a woman? While men have been persecuted for using witchcraft, the majority of those accused of being witches are women. So everybody but Frankie drinks. Everybody but Frankie drinks. Ha ha. Yeah. Well, guess what the next one is being young, so I know the time being nonbinary serves me. Or being done. The next one is so good. Do they look like a witch? No. The book references witches as looking like cronelike or hobbled. So Maria needs a drink immediately. I dress like I’m a granny. Every old woman with a wrinkled face, furred brow, hairy lip, a gabber, squint eye, squeaking voice, scolding tongue are not only suspected but pronounced for witchcraft. So I don’t know. Have all of you waxed your mustache recently? I don’t have that. I had a dude blonde a couple of weeks ago.
Participant #1:
I’m going strong. I haven’t taken a drink yet. I may be the sober one here.
Participant #1:
I really have got a squeaky voice and a mustache. Represent my hairy bitches. What’s up? This one is really crazy. I’ve never heard of this one before. This one is a stomach turner. Does a witch cake affect them? If you want to know if a person is a witch, you can take the urine of the victims and mix it with rye meal ash and make a little cake. I would get sick because rye is gluten, so I have to drink even if the urine get me. The rye would.
Participant #1:
First of all, listen, we’re going to learn a little fact about me, okay? Not a lot of things turn my stomach. Likes to drink tea and pee. That’s all she’s saying. She likes to drink drinks. What can I say? Golden showers is not legal.
Participant #1:
View off at this point. I actually know, aside from when I was pregnant, I have a stomach of steel. I could have eaten that, and I could eat it as long as I don’t think about what’s in it. And I could swallow it and get it down eventually, probably, but no, that would take me out within about ten minutes of download because of the gluten. I can’t believe it. Celiac gets me not being a witch. Fuck. Well, I hate to tell you, okay, but both of you are about to have to drink again, and I won’t have you because I’m a fat bitch and it pays off once again. How does she stack up against the Bible? Here’s where a good BMI would be helpful. One way you could determine if a person was a witch was to weigh them against a Bible, or a stack of Bibles, in theory, is that if she weighed less than a stack of Bibles, she was guilty. However, in some places, it’s the other way around. But considering that that’s what they’re going off of first you two are skinny.
Participant #1:
I don’t want to hear it. Listen, I’m not going to argue. I was under my weight class for the first ten years of my life. Listen, once again, being fat pays off, okay? I would outweigh that stack of Bibles in a heartbeat. They’d be like, that fat bitch. She could not be a witch. I can see with my eyeballs. Oh, my God. All right. How does the witch stack up underwater in the ultimate damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario? Suspected witches were often tied to dunking chairs and lowered into a river to see if they would sink. Witches would not be baptized due to their contract with the devil would be spat out of the water, an element used in Christian baptism. So in theory the theory goes, if a person is dunked in the water and springs out, you’ve got yourself a witch. On the flip side, if a person is dunked in the water and does not come up, they are not a witch. Therefore, who amongst us can swim? I can swim, but also I’m baptized. Doesn’t matter. Does it count if I have to hold my nose? As long as you can get under the water. Can you get under the water? I don’t want water in my nose. Ice in some water if you had to. Yeah. You’re a wit. You better drink it.
Participant #1:
You got to take the fantasy out of it. And we’re just talking pure context clues on this one, love. If you can swim, which got to remember, it’s the 15th century, even then, especially if you’re near a body of water, you would have to know how to swim if you didn’t know how to swim,
Participant #1:
you swim, you’re a witch. Fuck that. Freckle test. Can you swim? Oh, I’ve seen the freckle test too. Please. Do you have blue eyes? Have you seen the new TikTok where they ask you if you have any freckles on your right or forearm? I do not have any map. Oh, wait, no. If you have any ancestors who are witches, apparently I’m the first in my line. I got a whole bunch of freckles. No, right here. Underneath your right here. I don’t have any. Me either. Oh, my God. Do you know you first of all kind? You’re not. You literally have history in library. I was thinking next time my dog bark, I’m not going to mute and you can hear me yell because it is funny. What do you want? All right, next one. Does the witch talk to themselves? Potentially, which was if they were caught talking to themselves. One of the women killed during the seal and witch trials was Sarah Goode, who is sometimes heard talking to herself when she left a person’s home. I narrate everything I do at every part of the day.
Participant #1:
Scarlett will literally walk into the room be like, who are you talking to? I’m like, don’t worry about it. Literally, don’t worry about it. You’re being very presuming and rude. Okay, the next one. Does the witch have a quote mark? If a woman had a mole or a birthmark, they could be accused of having a pack with the devil, the mole. The birthmark was believed to be a sign of such past. Do either of you have a birthmark or a prominent mole? I have one on my leg and one on my ass. That’s how people can tell me when I’m above. I don’t have any birthmarks. Are you serious right now? I have one between my boobs, one on my side, and I have really a mole right here on my shoulder. Quite a lot so far. Hey, it looks like I’m the only one surviving last night. Okay. I have 3456. I have them like everywhere. I am covered in Freckles and moles on both on my face, on the witch. Are in the witch. All right, the next one. Does the witch not bleed? What does that mean? If a woman had freckles, they would be pricked with a knife, knife, blade, or a needle. And if the woman did not bleed when pricked, she was a witch. I do bleed. So you guys bleed? Yeah, I guess you’re safe on that one. I also bleed when cut. Does the witch have a broomstick? Fuck. I have many fair. All right, everyone here has a broom. Imagining the woman who can’t bleed has just been chewing on so much, like white. They’ve got a chewing too much of the white wire. They’re literally dying internally. They’re like this, which pack before we continue I have to pee so much water. Okay, so number ten. Can the witch say the Lord’s Prayer? It was believed the witches could not say holy words. One unfortunate woman misspoke the part of the prayer that says, lead us not into temptation. And by dropping the knot, she was quickly hanged for asking God to lead everyone into tempted sin. So can you read the Lord’s Prayer? Because my ass can. Yes, I can. I’m a folk Catholic witch. I’m a folk practitioner, and I’m an Italian folk practitioner. Do you know how many times I recite Our Father and Hail Mary? I can’t do it. I will take a gun to my head. I will take half a sungun I forget the RFA sometimes. Hold on. I remember the intro. It’s like, our Father who art in heaven, hollowed be like they are daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses. We forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us on to temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen. We’re getting there. I didn’t know it for a while, but I haven’t thought about it in 20 years. Yeah, I haven’t at all because I was raised Mormon. Mormon in the room. You’re in a
Participant #1:
cold. Cold. Let’s be honest. Yeah. Okay. So that leaves us out of the 15th century. Now we’re going to fast forward to the 17th century and out of Europe. We are now moving to Salem, Massachusetts. And the reason did which people were killed for being a witch. We’re going to move on. Now, there’s 17 of these ones. Okay. We only had ten when it came to the 15th century, and this one is very specific. You were assigned female at birth, is what it said. Anybody with female assigned genitalia? Are you serious? Where? To God. Swear to God. Bananas. Okay. Everyone who has a womb had a womb. Their external appears as though it might be a womb. Having purchased we literally can’t check, apparently. So I Googled this when I saw it. At first, I was like, this was the fucking what? 1817. Hundred. The fuck you mean? 1600? The fuck you mean? We weren’t worrying about the binary at this time. I Googled it. Apparently a person like this is before we had language that dealt with transgender. Ism right. Apparently a person moved to Salem and was living as a man, but was assigned a woman at birth and lived their life as a man because they wanted to live independently and actually had nothing to do with their gender identity. And it went to court and stuff like that, and they ended up killing this person. What? And so that’s why this article specifically brings up that it doesn’t matter how you identify, it mattered what your genitals were oh, my God. In
Participant #1:
century. That’s crazy, wild times they were living in, not us. All right, you ready? Yeah. You were poor or could not financially support yourself alone. Women couldn’t financially, yes. But specifically we’re talking about us right now. I can pay with a firm grip that I need my husband’s income to also pay part of our bills. I can’t do it by myself. Pay, get some parent money. I’m trying to think like I think I could if it was just me. Maybe it was just me, too. But I am living in I’ve got a kid, so it’s like, yeah, I mean, if it was just me, yeah, totally. But I’ve got a whole last child, especially with health care, a child in health care prices. I mean, don’t even get me started. Don’t even get me started. All right, now we got the opposite end of things. You’re rich or financially independent. I’m a little bit of that too, but not at this very moment. I think you should drink again then. Honestly, I think you’re a little bit of both. You’re dipping your feet in both pools. Very sad to see, actually, Frankie, that you had to get both rich and poor. But here we are. Well, I’m like, I’m living in my parents’house, but I run my own business and definitely can financially live on my own. But at the moment, am I completely financially independent? No. So it’s a little bit of both. It’s a double edged sword. Now, the next question, and this one. I know both of you are going to drink too. Myself as well. It’s okay. You have one or more female friends. Any group of persons okay. That had multiple non male friend groups were deemed as covenant. Wait, so just non men? Not necessarily female binary in this situation counts. Covenant. I think it counts too, because they said assigned female at birth. So anyone who assigned birth and non binary is crazy. So if you’re hanging out with a bunch of people repeatedly, they’d be like, that’s a covenant. Or get coffee together. You’re a covenant. They’re like Mary sister Margaret is really hanging out with, I don’t know, Mary. Mary Magdalene. Magdalene, yeah, that makes sense. Coven of witches. Coven. You have an argument, you have had at any point, an argument with one or more of your female friends. Infamous witchfinders like Matthew Hopkins and John Serene inspired such terror in the community that it didn’t take long for women to accuse other women of witchcraft as a way of deflecting their own indicments. Okay, do we have like a time frame? Because it’s been like about maybe like twelve years since something like this has happened. She’s had a fight with a friend. Yeah. Considered a friend. Well, she is considered a friend, of course.
Participant #1:
Hold on. You have had an argument with a woman recently. Very interesting. Maria. I have. Not a man, which I’m going to let you slide on this one, Maria. However, arguing with women, very bad, Maria. Very bad for us. Every day. Every day. Couldn’t drink that wine. Well, don’t worry, don’t worry. Everybody else is going to buckle up for this one. You’ve had an argument or disagreement with anyone recently. Welcome.
Participant #1:
Check that one off. Another one. My boyfriend won’t refill my water bottle after I asked him to be fair. I wish. Exhausted, but he’s circling back. You have had an argument with somebody very interesting, Frankie. Very interesting. That last ten minutes, maybe 20. Now, I’m going to tell you what this one says, but before anybody decides if they can or cannot drink, I will be reading the blurb that goes with it. Okay? You are very old. All of the women, both married and unmarried, were extremely susceptible to accusations. Rebecca nurse, for instance, was in her early 70s when she was tried, convicted and put to death for being a witch. Now, I know none of us here in our 70s, but we’re a mixed bag of married and unmarried.
Participant #1:
Because I’m the oldest. Because that’s really rude. By like nine months. 1600. People live to like 40. Okay? Yeah, but I’m no, I need you to circle it back. People got married at 18 at this time. Frankie, how old are you? 21. That was actually 23. Yeah. Spencer, you need a drink. Everybody needs a drink. Okay? Fucking you’re well past your maiden phase. Everybody. I’m still perfectly fertile according to my doctor at age 23. I would like to know why your doctor is talking about your fertile window. How bizarre is that? You get me drunk, I’m just going to start saying shit and I can’t we do too. Listen, here’s the thing. When I went to the doctors when I was pregnant, they described my pregnancy as a geriatric pregnancy. And I’ve never recovered. I’ve never recovered from that. Like, maybe a couple of years over 30. That’s ridiculous. I’m a geriatric pregnancy. I cannot be a geriatric. My brother brings it up at every single opportunity that he can. He’s like, Listen, you old bitch, you’re a geriatric pregnancy bitch. You need to keep going. I’m almost out of this cup. This one I don’t think any of us will drink for. Okay? Because again, we’ve all said that we’re all spin stories at this point. We’re very young. Was only four years old when she confessed to being a witch. So none of us are four. You are married with too few or no children and the example they give is less than six children. Well, you got less than six children. Drug which 1 second can we just imagine for a second having six children? I would literally rather peel all of my toenails off. I would kill myself now.
Participant #1:
I would rather have six puppies than six children because at least you can put a puppy in a pin and then walk away and not worry about that puppy doing some sort of escape.
Participant #1:
She’s like, you’re not giving me any attention and haven’t for 2 hours. Therefore I’m going to start throwing attention. I think that she’s literally barking during the perfect time. Hey, she’s not fed herself the next question I have here, guys, is going to take you to use your brain, a little bit of thinking power here, okay? You guys know your neighbors, at least vaguely? Do you guys know your neighbors the least? Vaguely? No. At least vaguely? No. I literally haven’t. I just moved here. I don’t know any of my neighbors. Wow, this feels like an early cop out to not drink. Amazing. It is a cop out, but all you don’t know about we’re having trouble conceiving. That being said, if a young couple nearby is having a difficult time to conceive or have been married for five years but have less than three children, you might be a wish. That’s so rude. Maria sounds like, oh, my neighborhood. Look, on this side of the house, there’s three children, but on the other side of the house, there’s two. That’s where so you have five kids?
Participant #1:
I thought you were literally in different sides of your house. And I’m like, how long are you no, I have one, and that’s enough. We’re good. So, Frankie, are there less than five children at the houses to one side or the other for you? Hold on. I have to think about this. Okay? I’ve seen at least three over here. I’ve seen two to four on the other side.
Participant #1:
Nobody fucking has that many goddamn kids, okay? They just don’t. Unless you’re maybe like, one of those people that’s like, I’ve got 17 children. You have exhibited stubborn, strange, or forward behavior. Now, let me explain. No, you don’t need to. I’m just going to explain. Any kind of staff back talk and you might be a witch. Yeah, that’s a lot of I do a lot of that. Why are we making that face? This is not very good wine. You’re supposed to be drinking moonshine. Why aren’t you drinking moonshine? Listen, let me explain. I am not drinking moonshine because the moonshine provided to me that I was going to drink was not the moonshine brand. This was actual hooch that was made in somebody’s bathtub. And I was like, for it. I was like, let’s have it on sunshine. Yeah, I smelled it, and the hair burned off my nostrils, and I went, you know what? Good moonshine I have ever cleared great moonshine to make hot apple pie with and like, get shit face next to a bonfire with you and possibly burn to that mom. But I thought, we’re recording in front of a bunch of people, and I do need to stay awake. And so because he’s so fucking strong, I decided to go with the wine. I just want to mention that teenage Maria, because I lived in Germany, so I was able to drink since I was 16. But anyway, I drank what is it, 181, 80. Oh, yeah. No, like, it was an actual brand or whatever, and I would, like, pour half a cup with some orange juice, and my wife would just watch me drink it. Wait a moment here, guys. Robin history. When I was a younger woman, I had a friend who’s probably listening to this, who had adult relations
Participant #1:
with a bouncer at a club, whose name was Kyle. He was very attractive. How do you remember all these names for three fucking years? Every day for the most part, okay? That’s how I know I’ve had adult relations with Kyle. Kyle was a very attractive man. We give Alexa props for the bullet. She comes to the team and between the hours of ten and one every night, except for Saturday, was $2 a drink. And I would get her face and we drank some of the crazy shit that was always like 1 million proof alcohol. And I would get blasted. And I’d go to work at 07:00 A.m.. Then I say, how did we do that? How did we do that? In college, I went out, I got drunk on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and sometimes Sundays, and got up the next day for 09:00 A.m. Classes. Now, if I have wine, I am out, like at 09:00 P.m. Till eight the next morning. I’m planning to sleep until eleven tomorrow. I’ve got a child. They’ll turn to ten and then you don’t have to worry about them because they will take care of themselves. There was something that I wanted to say. I forgot what it was. Hold on, give me a second. For the record, while you’re thinking about it, I just like the record to state that Maria is losing so hard on this. Maria will most likely be running at the end of it. It makes me so angry because you literally predicted this on Twitter, and this is very rude. But for the record, when I predicted this, I was joking. Was it joking or was it intuitive? For celebrity is, if you recall. Can I hang this in my bra? Yeah, do it if it’s it. I don’t even have a bra. This is just my shirt. Robin and I were talking and we’re like, well, I’m not as drunk as when I was talking. Just kidding. Just kidding. I’m going to start removing my earrings soon. About that right now, if I took everything off, exactly five more to go, guys. My microphone is in my boobs. Rabbit. I’m not sure I can do this. You can. Sam, you should get ready to drink because it’s a double up it’s if you have a mole or birthmark. Again, this is a different century. What do you want from me? I don’t. Once again, Robin remains stuck in my teeth. And it just came unhinged with the wine, so that was a little weird. I’m pretty sure this one we’re all going to drink on. Are you ready for it? Let’s do it. Butter or milk? Has ever spoiled in your fridge? No, it’s
Participant #1:
it doesn’t specify, frankly, any milk, because I’ve had oat milk. Spoil. Hold on the fucking milk, bro. Drink up. Unreal unreal. It’s crazy to me that Frankie was trying to get out of that one. I’m be honest with jan is literally gaslighting me right now, and it’s crazy. I can’t even believe this. Don’t get me started. I don’t have to shoot this over band. I don’t feel safe. Somebody else here’s another one that I know we can all drink on. Have you ever had sex out of wedlock? So much sex out of wedlock, bro. I am catching up. My personal mantra is that if I hit it and don’t like it, I will not date them. I am a very separated person. I have my worst sexual experience. This man said, can you go down on me? I said, okay. His penis was one to three inches. He insisted he wasn’t hard. Then came and then fell asleep in my bed. Yeah. And also came in about less than 10 seconds. And I say this. I know my husband is going to edit this. Okay. Can I tell you, I’m so glad I don’t have that problem anymore in my life. I don’t either. Listen, I don’t have a problem with anyone doing anything like that. I’m good now, and I’m very happy about it. When I was dating my wife, everyone warned her that I was a player. But I was a player being like,
Participant #1:
I wouldn’t waste time on people. The emotional connection wasn’t there. Nothing was there. I was definitely a slut in college, and I used that word in a positive way. Listen, but I was curious about sex. I had been dating people all throughout high school, and I said, you know what I’m going to do? I’m not going to date anyone. I’m going to fuck everyone. I fuck four people on the baseball team, and I can rate them. One of them is, wow,
Participant #1:
me boyfriend Frankie. And I’m like, yeah, fuck yeah. And he approves of me rating you your mediocre penises.
Participant #1:
I’m an accidental angel.
Participant #1:
I was a virgin until we got married, guys. Sorry to say
Participant #1:
I’m a virgin. Probably not married. That’s never before I saw my husband. I saw my husband, and I was like, finally, okay, I’m going to be the person do be very strange and somebody very pretty. Okay? Listen, deadass. I went to art school, okay? I took three semesters of nude figure drawing and or painting. Okay? When you say that there are some body parts that just be looking funky, you’re right. It’s just a fact. I have never seen a vagina that I would deem as, quote, unquote, ugly. I have never seen a vagina that I’m like because I’m thinking, no, listen, I’m a little judge. Listen, I think on a surface level, I think you’re totally right. There’s no such thing as an ugly vagina. However, when you see four vaginas a day, every day for three straight years, there does become a point where you’re like, what are you a gynecologist
Participant #1:
and penises and buttholes I’ve seen in my life. So god damn many I can’t even tell you that. There’s some very nice looking buttholes. It just happens. Yeah, I agree with that. Mine is not one of them. It looks a little weird. Tell Frank to cut that out. I can’t talk about my butt hole in there.
Participant #1:
If you could send on that. I hope you know that I have been doing this with Frank for three years. And when we tell him about something, he usually snips it at the very beginning of the episode.
Participant #1:
It will literally be you going, yeah, I mean I’ve got a really nice asshole. And then it will be like welcome to episode eleven. Everybody
Participant #1:
is tip your editor and if you want to use that on an anchor. Have you ever seen a penis that is curved but downward with enough curls that it could be a full head of hair? Yeah. What? And also again, really bad for now like 16 years
Participant #1:
to Maria’s head. And she’d be like, I couldn’t help you
Participant #1:
after this. If me and don’t work out. If we don’t get married, which I think we will, but if we don’t, I’m done with penises. They are exhausting. Everyone is so needy. My boyfriend is going to listen to me like she fucking call me needy? And we’ll be like, yeah I did remember Saturday. And he’s what the fuck. And everyone who’s going to be like, what happened on Saturday, Frankie? And I’m going to be like, I’m not going to tell you. No, it was Sunday. But seriously, what happened on Sunday? Yeah, tell us. It’s fine. All I am saying is men or people with penises, I’m going to say men. Because I have a feeling that identifying as a man gives you this. Men get horny and it is the only thing they can think about until nothing is done about it. I’m married to an adult man. He’s fully grown. Actually does take the side road. Many times I was pregnant. Didn’t have sex for the last four months. When I tell you if this man touched me at the end of my pregnancy, I would have cut it off straight up. What are the kids saying? No cap. We are still in the first year of our relationship and we are both young. Love that for you. To be fair, when I have a friend all night, it is his problem for the rest of the day. So both our issues he was literally like, we Saturday. Entirely Saturday. I was like, hey dude, do you want to fuck? And he was like, no. And I’m like, okay. And I try every hour. And then the next day he woke up and it was only about 4 hours. The difference is when I’m horny, he doesn’t cave. And when he is, I cave. Could be me
Participant #1:
in this survey and be like, are you ready? Can you lay your experience on a one to ten scale. I’m like sitting there and it’s like the whole nine yards. Okay, I showered. I came out naked. I was like, can you help me put lotion on? Like, I went through everything and he was like, can I just play my video game? It is crazy to me how white you are right now. You literally just said, I showered. I was like, could you put some lotion on my body? You are a middle aged white woman named Corey. I am. Do you think I know how to do this stuff?
Participant #1:
Can you pour some wax on me into my butt? No. Literally, I am a middleaged white woman when it comes to sex. I don’t know what I’m doing. I really are. Frankie the Karen of sex. Our sex life is us looking at each other and being like, do you want to have sex? And him being like or being like, yeah. Or me being like or being like, yeah. And then just doing it. There’s no very sexual foreplay. Like hissing tension. It’s just like, hey, are you in the mood? No. All right, I’ll come back later. Or hey, you want to fuck? Yeah, I can fuck. And it’s like, all right, let’s talk. That’s it. I swear to God I don’t know what it is that is. Wait, what sign is your partner? My partner is all SAGITTARIUS and capricorn, please. No cancers. Love foreplay. Right? Robin, I am not going to speak about my 6th life because I am again a virgin. But hypothetically speaking, if I wasn’t a virgin, I would say may have. I am just learning about sex recently myself. Again, I’m just not looking into it in like a theoretical and hydrant chances exist. What is that exactly? Sometimes men throughout my life have been like and they’ve been like, why not? I’m like so number 16 is if you have attempted to predict the identity of your future partner, you ever daydreamed by your soulmate written their name and cursive in your notebook, well, you’re dead. Bottoms up. What is that? What do you have in your hand right now? Is that wine? This is a red cap. Yeah. So this is a little rubber cap. We take a wine because I had some last night when I took a bath. I saw the red cap and I was like, is Frankie drinking socky? No, I am not. Look at my plans. I love them. Anyways, continue. It’s our last question, guys. It’s our very last question. It’s our very last question. Get ready for it. Have you ever broken any rule in the Bible ever? I work hot and next to linen once. I’m assuming they mean New Testament, but still I really like lobster. They are really tasty. They are so tasty. Well, everyone, listeners who are still listening at this point, I would like you two to guess who has lost. Maria,
Participant #1:
go ahead with announcement. 18 points, we have Frankie in second place. With a whopping 17 points, we have Robin in third place. And with a whopping 22 points, we have Maria in first place. Congratulations, Maria, you’ve won. Yay. I’m dying.
Participant #1:
15th. Because I would like to point out that both in the 15th and after the 17th century, maria has gotten the most points from both categories. So it doesn’t matter what century Maria was in. She was fucking dead. It was dead. It’s fine. I’ve made my peace with it. Guys, this is a monstera shout out
Participant #1:
because I was drinking too much. Anyways, I’m going to go take a nap.
Participant #1:
So Frankie, what is turn your call during the sleep. That was really good. I’m so proud of myself
Participant #1:
in your voice. In me too.
Participant #1:
Excellent. So what stirring your children? What is stirring your cauldron? I am really enjoying the books by Stephen. I forgot his name. Oh, my God. A very good book. Then he’s a horror. No, steven Graham Jones. He writes horror novels. His most recent one is My Heart is a Chainsaw. He is an indigenous author and he also wrote The Only Good Indians. He is a master at horror. It is amazing. I love horror books. So I’m going to check it out. It is stirring my collagen. I love him. He is like very underrated. He’s Denver local.
Participant #1:
Hold on. When he writes, he writes like you kind of sit there and then it gets crazier and crazier and more horrific. And I sat there with my mouth open for half of the book. And when you finish it, it haunts you in a wonderful way. You continue thinking about it for at least two weeks after which is my favorite horror book. Those are my favorite books, the ones that I am going to think about for the rest of my life. So he is stirring my cauldron. I love him. Ten out of ten.
Participant #1:
So, Frankie, what’s not stirring or cold during this week since it’s pride month? The streets. Only the streets. Only them. Okay, that’s fair. And John. Fair? Yeah, fair. Just the straights every straight person not stirring my cauldron this night. Fair enough. Someone is going to listen to this and be like, I’m straight and I was offended and I’m going to be like, suck a dick. You got to cut that out. It depends on who it is. Maybe they wouldn’t want to suck a day because they are straight. Because they are or would. Yeah. That’s a very complex response given the scenario, Frankie. Either way, they might be like, yes, please. They may be like, no, no, thank you. Either way, you got a mixed bag there like sucking pussy, eating anything in between. Because those are the only two options. Perfect. In the future, I recommend as a response saying suck my shit. Because across the board, it doesn’t matter who you are, nobody wants to touch it. See, now I’m thinking about it and I’m probably going to gag in the next five minutes. You’re welcome.
Participant #1:
If you just joined us this week, every single week, we talk about creators that we are loving right now. This could be anybody from a blogger, an author, a photography artist, a painter, or just something that we saw online that we thought was pretty cool that you guys might also vibe with. As a reminder, these are not paid sponsorships. These are just stuff we found organically and we think is pretty rad. So that being said, Frankie, who are you vibing with this week? Vincent Van Gogh.
Participant #1:
That’s all I have to say. I can’t think of anyone else. And there you go. That’s fair. Justin valid. Maria, who are you biting with this week? So they’re on Instagram. I don’t know their other handles, but Hysteria Machine. Hysteria Machine. They do really intricate, like, metal masks. And also they have these wall hooks that look like hands. They’re so beautiful and so well made. I don’t know. I would love to buy a mask from them and do a whole photo shoot. And their photos for their products are absolutely beautiful and insane. But I also want that wall. Hook them up. These are so cool. Wow. I love that. So good, right? Aren’t they pretty? Yeah, that’s so rad. I was thinking very steam punky when you said metal mask, and I was like, not for me, but cool for you. But I look it up now and I’m like, Yeah, no, that fucks yeah. And some of their math, like, there’s no eye holes. You’re just going to have to explain to you, like a SIM why don’t you shut the fuck up? Okay. How about that? I am currently listen, I’m going to just be really transparent with our listeners, and that is, if you guys want to buy me this, you absolutely can. Okay? My PO. Box is listed on my Amazon, so feel free to send me a present. My sister in law is super into Dungeons and Dragons, and she’s basically been trying to get me to play with her for forever. And I have played a couple, but now my brother’s playing, and I was like, fuck it, let’s do it. But my rule was that I wanted dice. So I was looking for dice, and I found this maker called Volvarius RPG, which I also kind of like the name because it sounds like Volva. And they do a specific one. They do a specific one. That is strawberries. It’s called Strawberries and Cream. Of course, there’s Strawberries and Cream in those. Strawberry milk polyhedral die set. Eight pieces. Again, my PO box is listed on my Amazon if anybody wants to send this. I don’t play that game. And they’re super cute. They’re so cute. I will figure it out. Okay? I will make this a multipurpose. They are $90. I showed my husband and he basically told me where I could put that idea for spending $90 on a paradise, but I think it’s worth it. And again, if anybody listening wants to buy them from me, I will hold your hand in a public space and I will tell everyone that we’re friends. Love you so much. I will nod to you in the hallway. I will literally piss you tenderly on the forehead. Okay? And I need to just consider that fully. Essentially, I will piss you tenderly on the forehead and I’ll tell you that you’re doing a really good job. So think about it. Just concerned. I’m just saying. Robin probably loves them so much. It might be a little sensual. It will be so sensual. Again, consensually, I will centrally kiss you on the forehead. I was going
Participant #1:
thank you all for joining us today, and we hope to see you again at a future date because I forgot to write down two weeks from now, but two weeks from Friday the 24th, whatever day that might be, one could never know. That being said, you can keep an eye out on our Instagram or on our Twitter. You can follow us there at coffee. Coldrons on Twitter or coffee and Coldronspod on Instagram. I’ve also recently made a tik tok no idea what’s going to be there, but we’re going to find out. And there is a tumblr coming. Like, a tumblr has been made. We got so much social media is actually active. I’m just saying. Shit talks me, so I don’t want to well, there’s a lot to shit talk now. That being said, I love you so much. If you’re wondering where you can find all these links at, you can go to kavyandcultrons.com links to find us anywhere. Or even better, you can join us on our discord here, which is first coming on Patreon. So we can answer your questions in our part, too. If you’ve been loving copying cultures, please take a moment to review us on Apple podcast or even on Spotify. Like, we really appreciate it. And we love reading. We do reading. Even if you made merch. Even if we made Patreon exclusive merch out of some of it. We love you so fucking much. Truly, honestly. You’ll even get to hear our lovely, sexy, sensual voices for an additional 30 ish minutes for being on our Patreon casting tier. And up. So again, this is Coffee and Cauldron with Robin from at a Tired Witch on Instagram. And I’m Maria from Atmore. Zara King on Instagram. And I’m Frankie Frankie from Attorney Chaotic Witch on Instagram. And we’re all drunk. Let’s count down. Right? Okay. Ready? One, two, three.